Today’s question comes from Lionel and Violet of New York, NY. They asked:
“Do you have any tips for relationships for couples where the male is a Feeler and the female is a Thinker? We’ve noticed that in many instances that our roles are reversed. Any suggestions?” -Lionel & Violet
Hi Lionel and Violet, there are a few things I can suggest…
Tip#1 Do Not Try to Ascribe to Traditional Gender Roles
Do not try to assimilate into traditional gender roles. Do what works for you and your partner. If she’s logical and analytical, and he’s the nurturing and sensitive one that’s fine. Stay true to who both of you are, and do not feel compelled to act differently or ascribe to traditional gender roles as this will only cause confusion in the relationship.
Tip#2 Do Not Set Expectations Based on Gender Stereotypes
Also, do not judge each other based on traditional stereotypes. Your girlfriend with a Thinking preference may not be as warm as women with a Feeling preference, and your boyfriend may not be as analytical as his peers with a Thinking preference. Do not expect your partner to be anyone else other than who they already are. Judging your partner based on gender stereotypes or the behaviors of previous partners can cause you to develop contempt for your partner and create a feeling of lack.
Tip#3 Create an Environment of Acceptance in the Relationship.
Accept your partner based on who they are, not by what society says they should be. Your boyfriend has probably been criticized or maligned all of his life for being more sensitive than his peers. Your girlfriend has probably been accused of being cold and unaffectionate. Instead of criticizing them, look at the positive sides of your partner’s preference. Compliment your boyfriend on his empathy, kindness, and concern for others. Give your girlfriend kudos for her logical approach and solution focused mentality. Find what’s good and focus on that, as opposed to their perceived shortcomings.
I hope that you guys find these suggestions useful,